To Build A Home.

So dad came out of hospital yesterday, slightly earlier than expected we had to make quick arrangements to get him home. I’m feeling well quite reflective, so excuse me or forgive me for over sharing once again.

I bring it up because I’ve been weird, strange or neurotic for years, perhaps obsessive over daft things music, films, or fashion. I had one of those moments today, although dads not been well for a while as he walked out the hospital he stopped. He took a breath, closed his eyes and smiled. I patted him on the back and said let’s go home. My minds always sound tracked moments in my past, you know an esoteric sonic reference point that my mind clings to for understanding. Today my mind dropped the needle on The Cinematic Orchestra’s – to build a home, it was in my head such a cinematic moment. The few steps he took I could weirdly hear the piano chords and everything stopped just for a second, even the whole way home in the car till we got to the front door.

I’ll be honest, the blog was or is cathartic for dealing with my own head. I’ve kind of had to hit reset on my brain numerous times in life, you know like a computer you find the safest version of you and revert to that till you find your feet again. So I worried about this blog being dated, pretentious or a pastiche, well before I published the first one. I worry about peoples perception of me, don’t know why ha Freud or Jung would probably find something clever to say about it (I know what they’d say just not admitting it just yet).

I’ve said this before but personally, I’m quite fascinated by people, mainly I think to try and figure out my own brain. I mean figuring out the big path or journey, the next step, the ‘eat pray love’ conundrum is quite annoying now. Generationally it’s changing right if you look at or over analyse yourself it can lead to a very diluted perspective of reality.

The same trends reoccur consistently, however; the timescale seemingly has changed. Giddens who I regularly think about talks about this, but I’m comparing him to somebody else this time. Marwick (2013) talks about new ideas of technology and how it affects the world globally, how it influences a generation. I heard someone say waiting for dad that they wanted to be an influencer, that wasn’t a job but now is. So people become a channel almost now for selling products or pushing contrived reality/lifestyle. She calls this micro-celebrity, the idea of a lifestyle that is achievable the  ‘if you’re good looking through surgery, claim its a diet plan you can sell all this stuff to people to make you feel more important than them’ kind of people.

It’s quite an American marketing idea really, which is or has seemingly got under the skin of another generation. My worry is that we won’t recover this time, generationally people were able to walk over to the TV and it off. So I describe it as mentally now we’re ‘forever on charge’, like constantly buying, posting till somebody loves you or the ego landfill is full again. We reach full battery and are happy for 5 minutes, I’m lucky like my friends as we briefly remember a time before the internet. So we can live with just a 3310 and use email for work our lives can be disconnected.  I wonder how younger generations will cope this time around. I mean even ‘travelling’ the traditional I’m going to find myself archetype has to be documented now, which causes more social fallout. I remind myself a lot that I don’t have to share or document any moment, I can just be present and conscious of the moment.

I’m at peace with people posting feel good statuses, humble brags or even people posting motivational phrases they’ve seen on another Instagram, twitter or facebook. It’s just resetting, a defence mechanism a hang in there ‘ one more round kid’ like Micky shouting from the corner of the ring. This blog, simply put was a defence mechanism which helped my mind from drifting off into the darker places it could have quite easily have gone. Yet I’ve had some amazing conversations about this blog, you know it’s a strange thing trying to understand your an individual yet we’re all the same. Gardner’s (1993)  ‘intelligences’ and Jung’s (1969) ‘archetypes’ I think have now fused, there are new improved versions of these ideas which they couldn’t have predicted.

Playlist recently,

  1. Paul Simon – Me and Julio down by the school yard.
  2. Pavement – Cut your hair
  3. Method Man with Mary J Blige – I’ll be there for you
  4. Radiohead – Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
  5. Will Joseph Cook – Sweet Dreamer (Full Record)


It’s quite polarising and unsettling living in this society now, so until I’ve fully rebooted and made peace with some things. I’ll sadly keep pestering and sharing this.

It takes a second to be human and being human is enough.

Peace x

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